The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
