you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
