I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
