so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
