some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize