Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
