If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
