I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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