If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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