So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
