Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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