i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
