what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I believe in your delicious
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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