I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Congratulations! We have a period
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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