Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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