new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
