Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
