My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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