He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
and she was petting her beer can
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
