He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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