im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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