i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
