I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
