I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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