I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize