How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
