Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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