hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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