Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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