wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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