yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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