One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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