yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
