Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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