Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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