he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
