Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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