Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
