Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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