Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
