Soap is not a condiment
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
