Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
