Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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