come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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