You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
