had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
