Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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