were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bring me that man meat
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize