i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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