First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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