every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
