The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
