It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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