New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
