We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
