Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
