based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
