If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
