Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize