i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
