DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Congratulations! We have a period
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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