it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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