you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
