you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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