Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
