he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
