I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
