I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
