what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
