there's paper in my vomit.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
