After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
